Tonight I'm feeling like a complete and utter failure... Let me try to explain why. How often have I lost my cool today and got so upset that I ranted and raved about something not going my way? I've lost count. It pretty much started when I needed to go out in my lunch hour. I needed to go somewhere and someone parked me in and disappeared. I ended up having to walk to the mall only to be sworn at by a drunk "bergie" because I said he must stop shouting and swearing at assistants in a shop I had to walk past. He started following me, swearing after me, but I had the advantage of being able to walk faster than him, being sober and all... Maybe I needed something to drink to calm me down!
Got back to the office, still parked in. I started panicking because soon it would have been time to pick the girls up from school. I phoned the body corporate, got a number for the so-called culprit but it was the wrong number which rang and went onto voice mail. Long story short, the one trustee got hold of the right guy who denied it was him and who in the 5 minutes of me still seeing the car in front of mine and the trustee phoning him, quickly and quietly removed his 'rented' car.
Got to school, all went well until Kiddy#2 needed a nappy change and she screamed her head off. I waited in her classroom and didn't dare to go and get Kiddy#1 first while I waited, imagining Kiddy#2's reaction if she should come back and see that I'm not there...
Finally got Kiddy#1, but she wanted to run up and down the pathway between the front gate and the front door and do all kinds of monkey business, while I was trying to keep Kiddy#2 in my arms who was adament she wanted to get down. The school is in a Main Road with LOTS of traffic. We finally made it to the gate and Kiddy#1 decided that she wanted to keep it open.... for the rest of the afternoon it seemed! Eventually I said that I am no longer waiting. As I turned my back to pretend to walk away she ran onto the sidewalk in the opposite direction nearly giving me a heart attack!
She threw herself against the outside wall of the school. I walked over to her and much to my horror saw what looked like an old dry blood stain on the wall! That just freaked me out completely! I asked nicely, even begged, and then demanded her to go to the car. She refused. I tried to pick her up, with Kiddy#2 still in my arms, but she fought it. Eventually I basically had to take her hand and 'drag' her to the car. Ok not literally, I was trying to pull her up to her feet and get her to walk with me with her kicking and screaming. By that time I could feel a migraine coming on. I could just imagine the horrified looks from other parents picking up their kids at the same time! I didn't dare to look at them. They probably thought that I needed the "Worst-Mom-Of-The-Year-Award"!
Got home, I told her to go to her room at which point she screamed as if I was doing something terrible to her. Who knows what it must have sounded like from outside!
This evening Kiddy#1 asked me to read a Bible story to her, but neither her or Kiddy#2 would sit still and listen for a minute. So when I said that's enough, no more reading tonight, another tantrum followed. So after trying to reason with her I tried reading again. It wasn't perfect, but better.
They usually color in a picture after we've read a Bible story at which point I left them in their Dad's capable hands and came into the bedroom to just wind down. I thought it might help writing a post about it so that I can read it and think "it wasn't all that bad".
Let me just say this, I had an opportunity to share a life lesson with my precious daughter today which I've tried explaining to her. I'm hoping that she understood what I wanted to say to her. It actually doesn't matter how badly they behave, I love my girls with all my heart and wouldn't exchange them for the world! I wanted Kiddy#1 to understand that we all behave badly and fail miserably sometimes, but it is ok. As long as we try to get it right next time!
The two little monkeys just came into the room with their usual mischief and cheered me up again! Naughty little things!
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